Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Feb 6, 2010

Long time away

Old Gurna Village - It probably doesn't exist anymore. The Egyptian Departement of Archeology decided to get rid of everyone. Now it will be without life, a paradise for tourists drowned in concrete. 


I am back from France and from Egypt. I don't know if I can find the right words and I think I will prefer silence.

And I will leave you with these pictures of my Dad and me, the places we have been and even though it was far than being perfect, I miss it all anyway.


One of the most ancient Muslim city of Egypt, Balaat.


Hot Spring Pool in the Oases.


I know, I look like shit, but that baby goat just kissed me on my nose and I wanted to take her away with me!!




May 15, 2009

Papa



This is so awesome: my Dad cancer is in total remission!!!! His hair is growing fast too. As you can see we are all very happy!

Feb 14, 2009

Papa



On Monday, my Dad will go to the hospital to receive a cell transplant. They will give him massive chemio treatment and do the auto transplant on the 18th. All his cancerous cells will be destroyed and they will reimplant some which were treated separately, for his system to build new healthy cells.

He will stay a minimum of 15 days in hospital. The ward he will be in is a very little one, there are only 6 rooms. So I guess they will really pay attention to his needs etc. Also my Mom, my bro and my sis will be there. But...I won't. Everyday since we learnt he will enter the hospital, I have been holding my tears. I would love to be with him but it is not possible for me right now.

So I have been drowning myself into work, but somehow I always have that terrible feeling, I am not happy about myself...

Today I went for a walk in a park in the countryside with my dog and hubby. The great sun, the clear crisp air entered my head and cleaned away the bad smells and rotten thoughts which had pilled up ones on top of the others. I am feeling a bit better now. 

Oct 25, 2008

Determination

Warning long post ahead.

France

I spent 3 weeks in France. The trip to go was nice, I met a french woman in the plane who just spent 3 months in USA and we spoke for hours. It was cool because the time was flying as well. I also couldn't wait to arrive as I so eagerly wanted to be with my Dad.
When I arrived at my parent's, I was so happy to see my Dad and so sad to see in what pain he was. He was bedridden for almost 3 months, he had lost a lot of weight and muscles. He was at that time in the first week of treatment.
But I stayed strong and didn't cry. I didn't suffered much from the jet lag. 
I discovered the doctor wasn't really treating my Dad's pains! They did give him some tylenol and that was it!

When I went to the hospital with him, I met the doctor and had to ask all the nurses around about the pain treatments. The doctor was saying that with the chemio treatment the pain would go away by itself. But meanwhile my Dad was suffering for nothing and he had to walk with a cane and was waking up every 2 hours at night!

The french system is maybe all good when it comes to costs and relatively fair and equal treatments of the sick ones. The only problem is structural. Administrative. They finally gave some more serious painkillers to Papa. With those and the treatment taking effect, the pain slowly went away and on 3 weeks I was there, I have seen my Dad walking around again, having some good nights sleep and eating well again.
The last news are pretty good. The treatment is working very well. 

I was so amazed at my Dad's strenght! He was never sick in his life and then, this terrible cancer and he fights! His moral is pretty good even though my mother is such a PIA sometimes. But she is also taking really good care of him.
That terrible disease of my Dad really brought us all back together and we got rid of all our pety fights. I spent a very good time with my brother Mathieu and my sister Emilie. I am so glad we are speaking together again. I think my Dad was really happy about it as well.
I was also glad to see my granny who has been really traumatized by my Dad's cancer.


I am going back in December. I really miss them all and I wish I could be with my Dad more. But there is just no way for us to come back to France. There is the financial issue, but for me now there is something else.

USA



Once again I was glad to come back even though I was letting my family behind. 24 hours trip just let me half dead and I caught a terrible cold, a kind of flue. But I came back with a very strong determination about my business. I love what I do. I am enjoying living in USA. Generalisations are what they are, but french people are not generous. And even if I have been ostracized here, even if it has been really difficult at times for the french person I am, I really like my life here and what I am able to do.
I also can see the difference between french selfishness and how americans "care".
Also it is such a great thing to be in USA during these last moments of the election.

I have been working a lot lately. I am really happy at how my work turned out. I also have been selling quite a lot!  
So all of you my dear customers thank you so much for supporting my work and for allowing me to finance my visits to my Dad.










On a side note, I am muted for a month on etsy forums. I have decided I won't come back there at all. Unless the rules change and become fair and clear. But we all know this won't happen.
So you know where you can find me. All the links to my web presence are here!

Sep 4, 2008

Phase III


Finally my Dad didn't have to stay at the hospital. His Myeloma is Phase III meaning the cancer is developped and that there is a tumor. Several bones are touched but not all. Also his overal health is quite good. His doctor says it is a slow developping cancer. He will have a catheter next week. Next step is starting the treatment with a combination of medications and chemiotherapy. And the autogreffe after.

This is such a nightmare. I realized I loved my Dad even more than I thought because when I think about him and his cancer, I don't think about me being deprived of his presence, I think about his suffering, about how he must feel right now, how he must be afraid and all.

I wanted to move back to France but this is materially and financially impossible. For now. I am drowning myself into work, trying to take my mind out of it, but I just can't. I just want to hug my Dad. I just want to be with him and my family. I just want to fuck away this asshole of cancer and make it disappear...