On Monday, my Dad will go to the hospital to receive a cell transplant. They will give him massive chemio treatment and do the auto transplant on the 18th. All his cancerous cells will be destroyed and they will reimplant some which were treated separately, for his system to build new healthy cells.
He will stay a minimum of 15 days in hospital. The ward he will be in is a very little one, there are only 6 rooms. So I guess they will really pay attention to his needs etc. Also my Mom, my bro and my sis will be there. But...I won't. Everyday since we learnt he will enter the hospital, I have been holding my tears. I would love to be with him but it is not possible for me right now.
So I have been drowning myself into work, but somehow I always have that terrible feeling, I am not happy about myself...
Today I went for a walk in a park in the countryside with my dog and hubby. The great sun, the clear crisp air entered my head and cleaned away the bad smells and rotten thoughts which had pilled up ones on top of the others. I am feeling a bit better now.